Tea For One

by Jaimie O’Leary

Endless seasons spent at this natural beauty,

Awakening senses, triggering deep feelings that have been hidden, not wanting any of the world to see.

But my most invasive memories are also the most wholesome,

Through death and depression, failure and disappointment, the negativity enough to make me numb.

Ideas, thoughts, goals, and even revelations of the past,

All come alive on this very path.

But what if I wander into that brush

Leaving other humans to their running and strolling, meandering closer into the milkweed where I can hear no other voices; hush.

I can taste the air, perhaps from the morning dew

A reminder of being young, hiking the path with the best of friends and a cold beverage, most likely prohibited too.

I look forward to the taste of hot tea I will enjoy, a healthier beverage both herbal and pleasurable

After hours of sitting and standing, a special treat guaranteed to make my body and heart feel so full

And now I invite myself directly to the present,

It is time to sit still, close my eyes, guide my palms upward, and connect.

I trek down the dirt toward the water and stand,

And I can smell the fragrant flowers blooming just on the edge of the land.

A reminder of deep spring time, and how it was once my favorite season,

The nostalgia is overbearing as I am not only reminded of the significant losses I have endured, but how I am unable to explain this correlation to others with any good reason.

With all of this still, I enjoy the power and thoughtfulness of flowers, in fact later on this evening I will send someone special to me a bouquet.

Not because it’s a special holiday, but because kind gestures for others help alleviate the feeling of gray.

And now I invite myself directly to the present,

It is time to sit still, close my eyes, guide my palms upward, and connect.

Elongating my body, standing tall like a pine, I touch the trunk of tree that is closest to me,

I am now away from the water, and amongst the tallest grasses completely alone at this point in time, as I imagine no one else can see.

A comical memory embodies my mind, as I remember the red-winged blackbirds targeting my friend and I as we are trying to exercise- chasing us down and swooping into our hair,

We laughed until we cried, and luckily were uninjured, as the very aggressive and territorial bird found us to be the perfect pair.

I think of this friend and how he is doing, how he was at one point my best, and we were always together,

We still keep in touch, but our lives are now separate, and it is absolutely okay that our paths in fact changed, no longer missing exactly what we were.

And now I invite myself directly to the present,

It is time to sit still, close my eyes, guide my palms upward, and connect.

Heading to the main path, I’m brought back to training for a marathon with my headphones on, raging music, completely plugged in,

Knowing my greatest ideas come to me when I’m running, I move forward, letting it all soak deepening into my skin.

Knowing now I am still on a health journey, focusing on a positive lifestyle rather than what the number on the scale reads, the stress of COVID altering the way I see myself in the mirror,

But each day I do something actively for me, avoiding the societal pressures of being a certain amount of thin, and choosing to only let in the positive that I hear.

And now I invite myself directly to the present,

It is time to sit still, close my eyes, guide my palms upward, and connect.

As my feet continuously make way rounding the path I am completed captivated by the colors of spring, summer is in fact near,

Remembering those sunsets so brilliant and bright, each dusk I found myself here.

I have been here a thousand times, and will come a thousand more,

And isn’t it so wonderful that each time I will see something unexpected and different from before.

And now I invite myself directly to the present,

It is time to sit still, close my eyes, guide my palms upward, and connect.

So I find myself today, completely at peace, I’m leaving my security blanket of a place with the following mindset,

I invited myself back to the past, I felt darkness, sadness, and even regret.

I let myself be uncomfortable and overcome with grief, then, I let go. Deep long breath.

I invited myself forward to the future. I thought of my accomplishments, how each one linked into a new one,

I let myself feel excited for what is yet to come.

Finally I invited myself directly to the present. I stood in the sun’s rays and sat on earth’s soil. What’s done is done and what will be will be,

Choosing what is here and now, my feet on the ground, encapsulated in nature’s glory: I taste, I smell, I touch, I hear, and I see.

Tea For One is the Soul Walk Project created by Jaimie O’Leary, FTS Certified Forest Therapy Guide, Brandywine 2024 cohort.